Something to consider for New Years Resolutions.

I saw this and I LOVED it....and then a dear friend sent it to me too. Its from a blog (I put the link at the bottom) that I am reposting their article. I think it hits home in so many ways. Some of these are definitely getting incorporated into my New Years resolutions!

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give
the right things a chance to catch you.

As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. – Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  Read The Road Less Traveled .
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.  Read Stumbling on Happiness .
11. Stop being idle. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place.  Evaluate situations and take decisive action.  You cannot change what you refuse to confront.  Making progress involves risk.  Period!  You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises.  Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. – Relationships must be chosen wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.  There’s no need to rush.  If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. – In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others doing better than you.  Concentrate on beating your own records every day.  Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. – Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.  Ask yourself this:  “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. – Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason – to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you.  You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough.  But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past.  You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation.  So smile!  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. – Don’t live your life with hate in your heart.  You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate.  Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.”  It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.”  Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself!  And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too.  If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. – Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway.  Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.  Read Getting Things Done .
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Source:  http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/ 

Recap of 2011

I know its been a while...a long while. 2011 has been a rough year for me -- I have been challenged more, struggled more, felt more emotions than I ever thought possible and have had to work through lots of things both emotionally and physically.

But its been a GOOD year. 

I'm thankful for the path the Lord has led me on this year....He has shown me HOW much He loves me and that He has some AMAZING plans for me -- if I just wait and trust Him. I've had some amazing people in my life this this year -- some new friends and some old -- who have taught me about myself, God, my relationships with friends and families and have helped me work through so many things going on in my life. I am SO grateful for each and everyone who has listened to me, given me advice, cried with me, given me a shoulder to lean on and in the end, shown me how amazing my life truly is.

I know that I am truly BLESSED. 

I've had the opportunity to visit some amazing places this year....and had the opportunity to experience and see some amazing things. LM and I travelled to Ireland and got to see some amazing castles...

 and some of the most amazing scenery I have ever seen before in my life. Everything is as green as you see in the pictures.

 We travelled all over Ireland - and saw almost everything there was to see. The Cliffs of Moher were one of my favorites. They were just SO amazing. Although, I didn't walk along the edge like LM did...I'm too afraid of heights for that one!

 And then we stopped off in London on the way home. It was a great weekend to get to see the city and all the amazing things it has to offer.

 And of course, you have to take at least ONE picture in the phone booths! Its like a requirement for the trip!

And after I got back from Ireland, I had to work my tail off as I got to experience my first budget season. After that, I had to take another vacation. LM was headed to the Caymans for work....I know, rough. And I tagged along for a long weekend. Although I was sick for most of the trip...and it rained quite a bit, I still got to experience the amazing beach, the sun and even better time with one of my besties!

Then I came back and it was birthday time. I haven't had a big birthday party in QUITE a while, and my friend SM was gracious enough to throw me an awesome party at her house. The best part, we bought a bouncey house for the kids...yes, I said the kids. :) I loved getting to see all of my friends, catch up, and at the end of the night, get some quality time in the bouncey house too! Here are some pictures from the party...

 You can see it was a BEAUTIFUL day. The weather was gorgeous and it was a wonderful day to spend outside! Here are some KPMG friends....the O's above, and the J's and R's below!

 Here I am with M and S, the hostess with the mostest. I was so blessed to be surrounded by so many I love that weekend.

 And the bouncey house...the best purchase ever. Here is P with little E bouncing around in the bouncey house. EVERYONE enjoyed it. It was SO much fun!!!

 And the best picture of the night...it was at the end of the night and I think this just shows how much fun  we were having. Thanks S, for the most amazing b-day party!

And if that party wasn't enough, the best thing happened the very next day. I feel like God has been calling me for a long time to TRUST in Him. To let go...and follow Him. So I made the decision to get baptized. It was a long time coming -- God had been tugging at my heart for a while to be obedient to Him. And with everything that had been going on in the last year, I felt like it was the perfect time -- to truly tell God I was done trying to do it on my own and I was ready to let Him really take control of my life.

I was also blessed that Malcom, who had taught with one of my best friends a while back, was the Pastor that baptized me. I love his way with words and the way he was able to take my story and say it in a way that beautifully described my life and my decision.

I wish I had what Malcom said on video. He told my story so eloquently and perfectly. I had told Malcom how I have lived my life so busy...to keep me from thinking about things, from doing the things I should, and he said it perfectly when he said that busyness was my idol....something that was keeping me from God. Something that I put before God. And he was right....it was the one thing that was keeping me from trusting in God, from spending time with Him, and from truly dedicating my life to Him. I needed to slow down and let go of all those things that were keeping me from God.

And I felt like I had made some decisions throughout the year to slow down, and it was the perfect statement of the changes I wanted to make in my life. And I feel like this whole year God has been leading me down this path, showing me changes I need to make in my life, and truly growing me in unimaginable ways.  I'm still not where I want to be, or He wants me to be for that matter, but I feel like I am on the right path again. And better than anything else, I know that I am LOVED and TRULY BLESSED.

And I am ready for 2012. I know it is going to be an amazing year and I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me!

I am ready...

I am ready for restaurant month to be over....I mean, I love restaurant month. Don't get me wrong about that....but my pants don't fit - so therefore I am ready for it to be over! Its been a fun month...I have gotten to see a LOT of people I haven't seen in a while and have gotten to try so many great restaurants!

The girls and I went to Prego in the Village...it was fantastic!!!! Of course, the company was just as good as the food! Below, KC, MG, PR, SM, me and LG.

I went with a few work friends to Marks, went with the O's to Ruth's Chris, and went as a going away dinner for one of my sweet staff who is leaving to Del Friscos. Then last night we went to Masraff's with my supper club...which was really fantastic. Below - SJ, me and CT.

And a bunch of old KPMG friends all went to Ouisie's Table -- which is fantastic - but the best thing they have is chicken fried steak and that was not on Restaurant week. I feel like there is more, but I think I am blocking it out....too much good food! And lots of really great company...and laughs....and good times with friends. It was exactly what I have needed this month!

the wedding...and the birthday party

My youngest cousin on my Dad's side, E, got married...to one of the sweetest men alive. I mean, to want to join our family - he'd need to be! ha ha. Only kidding about that. Our family is SO fantastic! We all flew to Lubbock for the wedding. Here are the two of us at the brunch the morning of the big day!

We have a big joke in our family about being the favorite cousin....it is usually betwen E, me and J - who is in the picture below with me. In reality, I am NO WHERE near the favorite (and the favorite describes the favorite of my grandfather....not like the favorite in general because I would totally snag that! ha!) Anyway, I love getting to spend time with the two of them (and the rest of the family) because we all get along SO well!

And I love this picture of me and my sweet twinkie...of course, she probably hates it, but whatever. I think it is WAY cute! She looked so stinking cute in her red dress!

And here are the two of us with Mom....love her. Love that we all got to spend the weekend together!

And here is Sweet E with my Grandfather. too bad you can't see from this picture how tall the man is...because he is tall. If you ever wonder where I get it from - it is him. I would dare to say our feet are about the same size too....but he might beat me by a size....or two. We all loved that he was able to be there to celebrate E's big day!

And then this past weekend we went to celebrate the 40th birthday of one of the girls from my prior year JL placement at Camp Rainbow. That year, the blue group just rocked. All of the JL girls in our group were just so much fun and we REALLY enjoyed getting to be together. And just clicked...and still hang out. The girls that had done it before, and ones that have done it subsequent have said there is nothing like this group. We definitely know how to have fun...that's for sure! Here we are all dressed up - S, me and J.

And here we are with the birthday girl too! She had the most fabulous dress...she is actually leaning over becuase I am pretty sure she is way taller than I am! The best part of the evening....besides the dancing, food and karyoke....was the grilled cheeses that were served at midnight. AWESOME I tell you!

I so love getting to hang out with these girls...I just now need to plan our next outing!

Happy Friday to everyone!

the last month....

I swear, everyone is asking where I have been. I really think had my internet been working, you would have known...however, I have now had 3 trips to my house from AT&T in the last few months, and FINALLY it appears they have fixed it. Keep crossing your fingers it keeps working!

The last month has been CRAZY busy - but also SO MUCH FUN. I love it when you can just look back at all your pictures and re-live how much fun it was. I think God has truly blessed my life lately - he has opened my eyes to so many things, let me spend my time with people who are truly a blessing to me - and let me do some of the things I love. 

I've been home a few times lately...I love going home. I've told you guys that before, but walking into my parents house for me is like walking into my sacred place. I get to relax hang out with my family, cook and just be loved on by mom and dad. I LOVE it. We all went home one weekend to hear about mom and dad's latest trips and mom had SO MANY tomatoes. It was almost unreal...so I made this...

 I'm going to say I don't think this picture really does it justice. But home grown tomatoes, fresh basil out of the garden and then fresh mozzarella and a balsamic reduction. You just can't beat it. 

When we are home, we usually meet for breakfast on Saturday morning with my grandfather. It is a big joke in my family about who is the favorite grandchild. Actually, just about being favorite anything - cousin, aunt, whatever. So we have a new "favorite"....SR is marrying my sweet cousin E and he had to drive in the car in silence...for 7 hours....so she could write thank you notes. He said he deserved an award. So he got one:

"Favorite Future Spouse of the Grandchild" award. Don't ask for an award from someone in the Lippe family...you'll probably get one. Even Papa signed it! ha! LOVE IT! (don't worry, i just had an extra favorite grandchild award printed and ready to be signed with my name on it....just to razz E and to get some laughs!)

Then we had our monthly girls dinner. This time we let the boys come and play too! Here I am with KC and MG. It was our first real monthly dinner since she's been back! It is such a blessing to have her back in Houston!

 Here are all the girls. LOVE these girls....LOVE LOVE LOVE them. We have been friends the entire time I have been in Houston - they have truly helped me through the rough times and we have had lots of fun and laughter together! (and probably a little trouble here and there, but it was worth every second!)

 SM and I were cracking up that we were both wearing about the same dress! Here we are in our dresses!

 And here I am with Miss MG. I heart her....so so so glad she is back! I missed her while she was living in Dallas!

 And then I got to go visit my sweet friend JM in Minneapolis. Don't ask me where it is on a map....I'm still not sure. What I am sure of is how much I love it - well, in the summer anyway! It is a GREAT town and I think if I lived there I would be always walking around the lake...and enjoying ice cream afterwards too! And what else I love is these two sweet faces:

 I wish I could tell you which is which - I would guess L is on the left and M on the right  - but without seeing their toes, I can't tell! M has her toes painted to help tell them apart! They are SO CUTE....and they play so well like this. I loved getting to love on them a bit. They really are the best babies EVER! 

It rained a bit - and in case you didn't know - when it rains, you just have to go to Chuck E Cheese. Here is sweet E - she was posing because this "ride" takes your picture - don't think it was just for me! 

 And this sweet thing - Little L - she LOVES her leopards and smells them all the time. She is SO CUTE and I love this picture because it captures her perfectly. 

 And here is sweet JM. I HEART this girl. Its like we never left college or things haven't changed one bit...besides she's married with 4 kids and moved to Minnesota. But whatever. Nothing big.  I LOVED getting to spend time with her, hanging out, getting to see the town and getting to love on her sweet girls.  I want to go back in winter and see what this whole "-15" degrees is all about!

 And here is one thing I LOVE about that place. The Lake....this was taken as we were driving past. I know....who would have thought my camera on my phone would take this!

 And my favorite picture of the whole trip....at the Mall of the Americas after riding some rides....little L just looking up at me. I captured her sweet heart right here. JM has texted me telling me that little L asks for me every day and prays for me every night. She is just so SWEET. 

 And then there is this. I feel like I shouldn't admit I did this, but I did. To help out a friend, we judged a beauty pageant. Yes, I said beauty pageant. And this guy came to help crown the winners:

 It was an experience. That's about all I can say. This is one of the "Queens" getting crowned. She was SASSY and so cute! 

 And this little thing.....I mean, she walked the run way with this smile you couldn't believe. she was SO CUTE! It was an experience that is for sure. 

 Then it was time for the monthly Girls dinner with the 2010 Camp Rainbow Blue Team Counselor dinner. I have to say, I have met a lot of girls through the Houston Junior League. And I can say that these girls are some of the most amazing girls I have ever met. We just clicked. All of us - which is so rare. We still get together every month to hang out and catch up. I LOVE seeing them....this night we showed up at the restaurant at 7:30 and shut the place down at 11. Now, that is what I call dinner! 

Then I made another trip home to bake some cookies....just a few....like over 200. My sweet cousin E's wedding is next weekend so I had offered to bake the "going away presents" for the guests. We decided to do it in Seguin since my mom's kitchen is WAY bigger and she has double ovens. I think she was a little worried too since that was a lot of cookies. She apparently should have been more worried about the mess I was going to make.....

 And to think - that was the last batch of cookies and  that was what I looked like. After the icing, it was MUCH worse....don't worry, no pictures of that. It would definitely scare small children! I even made the bride come in and help....and put her to work!

 And don't think I stopped with the bride....the mother of the bride came too! She learned all about icing cookies...the cool way - with icing bags and squeeze bottles! 

 Here is the finished product - all 200 of them!!! you will note the perfect two rows around one side. It was like a race track - me scooting my chair around to put the initals on it and my aunt and cousin coming along behind me moving the iced cookies and putting clean ones to be done in a row. It was awesome! 

 And here is the fnished product. The they turned out SO CUTE!!!! And of course, match the cake topper! 

 Then it was off to meet the family for family breakfast...and on the way home dad took the other route -- which just happened to go through luling. I told him "if you go that way, I might not be able to smell the BBQ and not stop". His response, "why do you think I chose to go that way?"  Evil man....but this is in the parking lot. I am going to send it to my boss and suggest we make all our pumping units look cool like this....I think it could get us some street cred! 

 and a picture of what I had for lunch. definitely not on the "diet". definitely worth every single bite. All the places in Lockhart get all the fame on all the cooking shows, but I still like this one best. 

And now we are all caught up with the pictures. I have some more things to share, but I'll have to find some time to do that. Tomorrow is defensive driving and getting ready for a long week at work! Thanks for checking back in....now I have no excuses since the internet works again! Hope you had a great last month like I did! Have a blessed week!

Pinots Palette

The one thing about work is that we don't have a lot of "extra curricular"activities....unless I plan them. And thank goodness I LOVE planning them! This time one of my staff wanted to go paint again -- so I set up a painting excursion at Pinots Palette. We had 34 slots and we had 32 people sign up in the first day. Apparently everyone wanted to hang out and paint! I invited my friend CC and LM to come and play with me -- that is us before we painted. And yes, I am sure I had WAY more paint on our apron after I left!

If you've never done it before, it is a whole lot of fun. You pick a painting, bring in food and drinks and they help you paint the picture step by step. And usually there is a lot of talking, hanging out and making fun of each other...of course in a loving way! We had a tough time picking a painting because they have around 30 of them - and I asked 4 people for their top three....and of course - they didn't overlap at all. But we found one we liked (and of course, it happened to be the one I really liked!) and had such a fun time. 

Here are all of the girls with our paintings. If you look at all the paintings - they are all different - which is what I love about going to this place! 

 Here is an up close of the picture. I really don't think it really does it justice, but it is really pretty! I really like the background color - that is what drew me to the picture in the first place!

All in all, we had a blast...and everyone is already asking when we will be going the next time!

coping...

I've been having a hard time coping lately....there has been a lot going on in my life....lots of decisions to make, lots of trying to figure out where I am, what I am doing, and who I am spending time with....and is it right. And there has been lots of tears. I've had my feelings hurt, I've had lots of doubts and I've been spread out on the floor crying out to God to help me. Actually, that was after I threw a temper tantrum because I was being ridiculous....I admit it. Nothing like a 33 year old woman kicking and screaming on the floor because she can't have her way.

And the whole coping thing has become my biggest problem that I am trying to deal with. I cope with food. There - I admit it. When I get stressed - I eat. When I get sad - I eat. When I get my feelings hurt - I eat. Hence, about an extra 100 lbs on my body have been gained slowly because I am trying to cope with things that have been thrown my way. I'm trying to change that...I don't want to do that anymore. It doesn't get me anywhere but about 10 minutes of feeling better, and then the guilt hits that I shouldn't have done it. and about 5 lbs I will never get off. One cookie - fine. 10 cookies - not okay.

When things get really bad, I will add alcohol to that. I am usually a social drinker - a glass of wine here and there. A beer at dinner with friends. But when you see me throwing them back...I am trying to cope with something. Trying to mask some feelings that I am holding deep inside and just want to forget about. (and no - that doesn't happen that often. So don't schedule an intervention so fast!) And I am trying to change that too.

And then when eating and drinking don't seem to work, I turn to people to make me feel better and try to console me. And the problem is, I get so used to running to others and trying to get them to help me solve my problems, I've never learned how to solve them on my own. Now, I understand that is a very general statement, and probably not totally true - but I do rely on my friends a lot. And in the past few months, I've had a lot of changes in my life with the people I hang out with. People I used to rely on for that aren't as much a part of my life anymore, and some new people have come and gone very quickly.

So when you are not allowing yourself to cope with the first two things you usually run to - food and drinking -- and the third one isn't an option for a multide of reasons -- well, it has been really hard. Hence my temper tantrum that would rival any of your three year olds on a bad day. And I've been trying to do what I should have been doing the whole time - turning to God. Telling him my problems -- TURNING them over to him and letting him take care of it. I've been praying A LOT. Constantly in some ways...when I feel those tears welling up, I have a voice in my head that is just crying out to God "PLEASE don't let me cry God. Take away this pain in my heart. Take away these feelings of inadequacy. Take away these feelings of jealousy. Please God, help me."

Learning to rely on God....and not anything tangible is SO hard. There isn't that physical touch of someone touching your shoulder saying - "It will be okay." or that person grabbing you and hugging you saying "I love you Karen -- you can get through this." I am crying out to God saying help me -- and there is no response. (Now, I know there is a response...but it is hard to hear when you aren't TRYING to hear it that hard...part of my problem! If I'd quit complaining...or crying, maybe I could hear it!)

So know that I am okay....I think some of you are worried about me....and maybe you should be -- a little bit. But know I am trying to do this the healthy way....stopping bad behaviors, enlisting the right professionals to help me do that (like my nutritionist and life coach) and spending a LOT of time talking to God. Asking him to give me that comfort and relief, having him remind me that its only HIS love that I need, and also asking him to show me (and let me trust in) the plan he has for my life. I am reminded every day that when I try to plan and follow through with my plan -- I don't end up anywhere but hurt and frustrated -- because it isn't HIS plan. And maybe thats a good thing -- since it is a reminder that I can't do it on my own and I NEED to rely on him. So I am trying to give my plan up...and roll with it. Because from what I have seen in my past -- that although we walk through the valleys (and sometimes they are ugly and filled with sadness), the mountain tops we will see on the other side are so spectacular. And I can't wait to see the view......